Respect what??

A while back I wrote that it’s respect not love that conquers all. You can find the blog here: http://kristaesullivan.blogspot.com/2015/02/50-shades-of-this-is-porn.html since then other opinions about the book 50 Shades of Grey emerged but the crux of my short rant remains the same.

A friend wrote to me saying that he agreed with my statement and that it might be a good idea to write about it since it seemed to him that not many people knew what the R word was about. So, what IS respect?

Here’s a simple break down:

R is for recognition. I recognise that the person I’m dealing with is human just like I am and therefore has his or her own challenges.

E is for empathy. One of the most important tools in emotional intelligence. To empathise is to take a moment away from your own life and really listen to someone, to try to feel what they are saying and act accordingly with love and compassion regardless of how well you know that person.

S is for sympathy. Sympathising with someone is similar to empathy but not as deep, a handy tool for brief encounters such as letting a person with just a couple of items go before you in a supermarket queue.

P is for patience. Sometimes we really need to be patient, if someone doesn’t understand a concept or is dead against your views or is whining about a situation they seem stuck in, or is making you late to a meeting etc...patience goes a long way and helps you keep your cool.

E is for encourage. Encourage your friends and family if you feel they are doing something right, lift them up, give them the impetus to go forward.

C is for care. Care for your environment, don’t litter, recycle, give honest advice, go that extra mile, make that call, show someone you care.

T is for treat. Treat others as you would like to be treated, respect their boundaries, ask before doing, don’t insult or use their flaws against them, respect their needs even if you don’t understand them, give them space and be there for them when they are ready.

This list is probably incomplete but I think it gives a good little structure, pretty simple really isn't it, so why do we find ourselves disrespecting others so easily? Why do we dismiss, speak arrogantly, try to be superior, act like know-it-all's and bully? Why do so many people feel entitled to engage in road rage, belittle others and become offensive when we disagree?

Respect is the foundation of healthy human interaction, it is the ABC of successful living. Without it you will be disliked and pushed aside because no one likes a bulldozer no matter how well intended you might be or how much information you might have. Once respect is lost, it's almost impossible to regain (but there's no harm in trying if that person means a lot to you, true friendships can take a few bumps) so think carefully before you act, think about what you want from life and the memory you'd like to leave in people's minds.

Finally, the great thing about practising respect is that it says a lot about you, only people with a good self esteem can respect others with ease. People with a low self esteem are jealous, they do not like to encourage, show care or patience. They are not interested in empathy because they have too many issues to deal with and can only relate to themselves etc etc. At the end of the day respecting others as well as yourself makes YOU feel good.

Please feel free to add any comments.

Bezos,

Krista

What is sexy?

Do you know what's truly sexy?

A wo/man who follows her/his dreams

A person who looks at his/her problems and enthusiastically says: "Come here you, let's sort this bitch out"

A person with integrity who doesn't sway with every breeze

A person who isn't afraid to look uncool for what matters

Who's laughter is so real they throw their head back and let it rip

Whose love, integrity and need to be real is so important they let nothing stand in the way of truth.

Whose sense of self respect is so strong respecting others is effortless.

It's the person who knows that change is inevitable so they stand strong keeping themselves and those they love safe.

It's the person who's ready to walk away from fakery and situations which require lies and deceit.

The person who says no with conviction and yes with pleasure.

The person who stands up against injustice, isn't afraid to speak, fights for the rights of others even when these same rights don't effect them directly.

Its the person, man or woman, who stays up all night to help a friend, travels that extra mile for love and never throws favors back into the others' face.

That.

Is sexy.

Be Sexy :)

K

50 shades of this is porn

Many people are enraged at 50 Shades. This is porn! they say. "This is a terrible injustice to the truth of sex and sexual relationships". "Sex should be pure". "It's degrading". "We have stooped so low". "It's a tragedy to speak of sex in such a cheap manner".

But is it?

Some people like rough sex, some people like to be tied up, and some people don't. I don't however see anyone into BSDM bothered with the classic romantic views of sex. Thing is, if the sexual activity involves consenting adults, it's not harmful.

What is harmful in 50 Shades however is the message that "love conquers all" and guess what, that message is in every fairy tale and animated movie we take our children to.

So whilst it's true that love is a great force which I subscribe to, it does not conquer all and, in fact, that belief has got a lot of people into trouble. Loving a damaged abusive person won't fix him or her; years of therapy might and it's best to stay out of such people's path.

It's respect that conquers all and it would be a great idea if we start teaching our children the difference.

Food, it's no guarantee

With no offence meant to anyone posting stuff like this on Facebook or elsewhere; pictures like this bother me 

I don't know this guy, or what he does but one thing is sure: There is absolutely no guarantee that eating healthy will avoid all forms of disease, or that you will "never need a doctor". Believing in such things can set you up for great disappointment and feelings of guilt which I think is really unfair. "I didn't feed my daughter/son well enough", "I'm too poor to buy organic food", "I wasn't educated enough to know", "I could have prevented this". 

The truth is that most disease like the dreaded cancer is really a case of bad luck. I know of many people who lived healthy lives free from drink, smoke and recreational drugs and still got very sick. Yes it's a good idea to eat healthy and avoid over indulging in toxic substances but the truth could look more like this:

Now of course each and every one of us is going to die eventually, and we do minimise risk of disease by eating well, but we really don't get to choose how we die or if we get sick. 

I'm not professing unhealthy lifestyles, anyone who knows me knows that I like my healthy food. What I'm saying is that eating healthy is no guarantee of an easy exit from this planet and that these memes are misleading.

Judging by the uploads I see on social media we spend too much time worrying, making efforts to avoid disease, detoxifying, doing the right exercise, thinking "the right thoughts" to have a positive outlook, climbing mountains metaphorically or otherwise to get that healing, purifying, enlightening object we believe will make us almost super human. Sadly it's a quest we may fail miserably at.

So it's my humble view that yes, eat healthy, live the lifestyle that makes you happy and hopefully yes, disease will pass you by. But most of all work to be happy, do what you love and love what you do. Because at the end of the day what matters is the depth of your laughter and the days you spend loving your life and those around you.

http://theconversation.com/why-the-causes-of-cancer-are-more-than-just-random-bad-luck-36250

Flipping the bird

I always have something to say don't I? Well yes I do because I have a functioning brain, ears and eyes amongst other things.

I feel really angry at both political party leaders for turning a democratic principle into a political one. Yes I'm referring to the upcoming Spring Hunting Referendum.

Referendum as per Wikipedia's definition: "Referendum is the gerund of the Latin verb refero, and has the meaning "bringing back" (i.e. bringing the question back to the people)" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Referendum


"bringing the question back to the people". Do these politicians even know what this means? Why are we interested in the way they vote? Aren't the Maltese capable of thinking for themselves? And why of all times has the opposition leader agreed with the Prime minister on this? This of all issues? Why didn't they agree on civil unions which is a law making people happy, why agree that the destruction of our wildlife and the little countryside we have is ok? For consistency? Come on!!!! Think of the message you are conveying.

We kill birds and it's ok. Please

Hunting in Malta is not sustainable, not only because we have hunters who disregard the law and do as they please hunting all seasons, hunting protected birds, destroying tree nurseries, painting on temple walls and shooting over our heads to shower us and the land with poisonous pellets amongst other despicable things. But also because we have too many hunters in Malta to maintain sustainable responsible hunting. 

From Birdlife Malta:  "Malta also has an exceptionally high density of hunters and per square kilometre has the densest population of hunters in the European Union.  According to the latest official figures Malta had 11,929 registered hunters and 4,616 licensed trappers.  This gives a density of around 47 hunters and trappers per square kilometre."

http://www.birdlifemalta.org/Content/hunting/illegalhunting/996/#.VL5QAivF_To

47 hunters per square kilometer not mile people, per kilometer. Tell me, how can any single bird who has flown hundreds of kilometers over Africa and Europe, tired and wanting to mate find any sort of safety with such a high density of REGISTERED  hunters?

Meanwhile hundreds of protected birds are shot down yearly, most of which we don't get to know about because it's up to the people who truly love these birds to roam the countryside and report illegal hunting and hunters get away with their prize when they bother to pick up their victims. No police or any other form of control is available as suggested, just local and foreign volunteers who often get threatened with guns.

But let's imagine we did create some form of hunter wardens, can Malta afford it? I very much doubt it and I doubt tax payers would be happy to fund that.

We need to realise that this isn't about the people hating hunters, but its about the preservation of the birds. Birds come here to procreate and we shoot them down. How terrible!

What we also need to realise is that us, the "other" people have the right to enjoy these birds too. I love walking in the countryside, it replenishes my soul and cleanses my mind. Should I not have the possibility to roam the paths with my son without being shot at? Can I not take him with me so that he may become as fascinated as I am by these beautiful creatures? And whilst we're at it "you" the people who are in favor of spring hunting need to realise that you are indeed missing out.

If I were the education minister, seeing that politics has stuck it's nose in, I would make a statement that this is highly educational and beneficial for ourselves and our children. Surely the aim of all the good work the ministry is doing includes educating the people about the value of being out and appreciating nature. 

Science has confirmed that being in nature is beneficial for us on many levels. From Medical Daily: "A recent study conducted by researchers from the University of Essex and published by the mental health organization Mind found that taking a walk in nature reduced depression scores in 71 percent of participants. Researchers compared the effect with a control group who also took a walk, but in a shopping centre. Only 45 percent of the shopping center walkers had reduced depression scores, while 22 percent of them actually felt more depressed."
http://www.medicaldaily.com/benefits-ecotherapy-being-nature-fights-depression-improves-mental-health-and-well-being-261075

Do we get this? Walking in nature might not immediately up the economy by people spending their hard earned money stuffing their feelings at shopping malls but it will put them in a better frame of mind so that they might spend wisely. Do we not want a healthier people?

And where is the minister of environment in all this? Why has he not uttered a word? Shadow minister? Nothing.

It seems to me that our hierarchy is missing the point in order not to rock the political boat. 

What we should be doing is showing people the joy of bird watching, if hunters "love" the birds they need to realise that they are much more beautiful flying free than gathering dust in a showcase and if we insist on putting political weight on this it should be done by taking everything into consideration including the impact pallets have on our land, the people who want to roam free on our countryside and the birds. 

Once the birds replenish they will fly over us by the 100's we will have flamingos, storks, ibises, ducks, geese, swans, hawks, kites, eagles, pheasants and many more. Can you even imagine what our skies would be like? How amazing it would be to sit with friends and family to watch them fly. Shit I hear you say? So what! As far as I'm concerned a bird pooping on me is good luck!   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_birds_of_Malta

Finally, has anyone ever seen this bird? 

I haven't. It's a Blue Rock Thrush. Believe or not it's Malta's national bird.

"In Malta the Blue Rock Thrush is still a fairly common breeding resident, but the overall human interference has pushed the species mainly to the sea-cliff habitats. In the early years of the last century its population in Malta was already showing a very marked decrease. Although protected by law, the young are still frequently taken illegally from any accessible nests to raise in captivity, which is the main reason for this dramatic decrease."
http://www.naturetrustmalta.org/environmental-education/biodiversity/fauna/priority-endangered-species/


It's not just hunting which pushed these birds out but human habitat too. There's not much we can do about habitat but we can reduce the harm created by sport.


Vote NO for spring hunting for a better future. 


Let them make love. 

Oh No GMO!

What's for dinner?

My own words. Yes, today I will eat my words.

Writing about this subject has been a long time coming and in all honesty, it's still difficult for me to write :)  In the past I have been 100% anti-GMO products. But i was slapped in the face by this guy called Ramez Naam

Ranez Naam is no ordinary guy. From his website - "He was born in Cairo, Egypt, and came to the US at the age of 3.  He’s a computer scientist, futurist, and award-winning author.  Ramez lectures on energy, environment, and innovation at Singularity University, where he serves as Adjunct Faculty.  He’s spoken to audiences on four continents, from Illinois to Istanbul and from corporate boardrooms to Harvard University..." etc etc etc.

This guy is bright and judging from what I see, he's determined and meticulous too.

So, GMO...

Firstly today's diet contains some form of GMO. All of it. If it's in a packet, it contains GMOs, if it's in a bottle it contains GMOs too. So we have been consuming them for a very long time already and there's really very little we can do about it except eat fresh, organic locally grown vegetables and fruits. Rice, pasta, bread and other staples, unless labeled organic will contain GMO's.

Secondly the most reputable science bodies have, over the last 21 years found nothing that can cause any harm in these foods when consumed.American Assoication For The Advancement of science says

- The EU, for example, has invested more than€300 million in research on the biosafety of GMOs. Its recent report 
states: “The main conclusion to be drawn from the efforts of more than 130 research projects, covering a period of more than 25 years of research and involving more than 500 independent research groups, is that biotechnology, and in particular GMOs, are not per se more risky than e.g. conventional plant breeding technologies.” The World Health  Organization, the American Medical Association, the U.S. National Academy of Sciences, the British Royal Society, and every other respected organization that has examined the evidence has come to the same conclusion: consuming foods containing ingredients derived from GM crops is no riskier than consuming the same foods containing ingredients from crop plants modified by conventional plant improvement techniques.

It is a known fact that farmers have been modifying foods since the beginning of farming and that if we apples were the same as when they first emerged, they would be too bitter to eat. So modification has been good in that respect and now it's even better because some GMOs contain more vitamins than a "natural" fruit or veg would have.

Furthermore: The European Commission’s 2010 report on genetically engineered food (based on independent research not funded by any biotech company) said: “The main conclusion to be drawn from the efforts of more than 130 research projects, covering a period of more than 25 years of research, and involving more than 500 independent research groups, is that biotechnology, and in particular GMOs, are not per se more risky than e.g. conventional plant breeding technologies.”  
http://www.aaas.org/sites/default/files/AAAS_GM_statement.pdf It's good to know that Europe have very strict GMO laws, although these have been relaxed lately and there are talks of increasing more GMO crops into our food chain. But worry not, there have been hundreds of studies on the effects of modified foods done under strict methodology both commissioned by the government, producers and independent scientists over the last 25 years. All of them say the same thing, GMOs are safe, and I assure you, all of them can't be wrong.

One very valid question relates to super weeds, or weeds which are resistant to pesticides. Have GMOs encouraged stronger weeds? Does this mean we are going to have to use stronger pesticides or that GMO crops create a special weed that is "super"? The simple answer is no.

Weeds have changed over time and have become resistant to pesticides over the years but there is no difference in the development of these weeds to those in GMO crops. Crops don't create weeds, weeds are weeds, crops are crops. On vary rare occasions some crops and weeds cross pollinate but this has not resulted in pesticide resistant weeds.

In the EU all pesticides are biodegradable with the UV from the sun. If the farmer uses the pesticides properly and sprays according to the regulations, the sun would have removed all traces of pesticides by harvest time.

Labels: I think food should be labeled, we have to the right to know what we're eating.

Remember the photos warning that Indian farmers were killing themselves because of GMO painted seed? That seems to be untrue as well. According to this report http://www.nature.com/polopoly_fs/7.10319.1367338893!/image/farmer-suicides2.jpg_gen/derivatives/fullsize/farmer-suicides2.jpg farmer suicides have been reduced since the introduction of GMOs. This makes sense since genetically modified seeds are easier to grow and have more yield hence an happier farmer.

Of course every technology has it's problems but so does nature, disease like cancer and HIV is natural, a healthy balanced diet and observing your body's reaction to different foods is the way forward. 

Would I prefer there to be no GMO crops? Idealistically yes. Realistically I don't really care because I new feel that they are safe. Realistically also I am glad for crops like the super banana which is going to give Africans back their sight and such like.

Our bodies are amazing, they detox all by themselves, regenerate and protect from illness. Trust your body.

This is a summery of this paper written by Ranez Naam, which contains valid links to reputable scientific reports (i checked). So don't worry, GMOs aren't going to kill us, or give us allergies or anything similar. The best we can do is eat as healthily as possible as mentioned earlier and hope that our health favors us.

Source:  http://rameznaam.com/2013/04/28/the-evidence-on-gmo-safety/

Do go into the reports if you are still not convinced, I did check them myself and they are all legitimate, of course you will find work which disclaims these reports if but you'll have to firstly verify them and honestly...just stop worrying. You're gonna be fine.


Coincidentally this week I painted something I decided to call Petals and Pollen. Check it out :) 

I was tagged

This morning I was tagged in a status on Facebook together with 49 other people. It said: 

 "Moderate muslims.....ermm..you know any?
Well yea...ask the neighbours of the couple that killed the policewoman in France and killed hostages..."They were a lovely normal couple"..Haha..errmmm..MODERATE RIGHT..
The brothers, although the police knew they were terrorists, the people around them knew them as normal..DJ and delivery man...Noooo they are MODERATE....IN ISLAM THERE CAN NEVER BE MODERATE , CAUSE THEIR TEACHINGS, THEIR BOOK AND THEIR WHOLE CULT IS EXTREME, AND EVIL...SO EVEN IF THEY WISH TO VE MODERATE...THEY ARE NOT...
YOU MIGHT THINK...ERMMM...BUT THE WOMAN IN OUR APPARTMENT...ERMMM SHE DOES NOT EVEN COVER HER FACE..SHE IS VERT POLITE, NICE TO TALK TOO ....YOU MIGHT NEVER THINK SHE WILL BLOW UP AND KILL .....THEN U WOULD SAY LIKE THE NEIGHBOURS OF THIS LOVING COUPLE ARE SAYING..NEVER IMAGINED THEY WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS...OOOOÒOOHHH"

I was not pleased at all.

I later read this article by Saviour Balzan:

http://www.maltatoday.com.mt/comment/blogs/48274/nous_sommes_une_mauvaise_imitation_de_charlie_hebdo#.VLYsLHtq1eT

He talks about satire and how courageous the people at Charlie Hebdo were and still are and how they would have long been shut down if they were in Malta. 

He also makes this statement:  "It comes at a time when the left and liberals are struggling to find a good enough reason not to box Moslems as one of a kind."

He's right, it does come at a time when we are so shaken to our core by such an atrocity that we struggle to make sense of people and to control our urge to retaliate in the same manner. Kick all the bastards out, burn them alive, stone, spit and curse them all to eternal damnation.

But we don't and it's for good reason.

Racism is for the ignorant, generalisations are for the lazy and we really should avoid this line of thinking. I would not like to be put in a box labeled Maltese therefore "prone to swearing, road rage, over speeding, ripping off tourists, misogynist, incapable of giving good commercial services, hot headed, bird killing, tree chopping, horse burning mainiac." Because that is the way I would be thought of if someone took all the bad things about us and labeled me with them. 

Meanwhile I do have a great Muslim neighbor and I would protect him from such hate any day. He might not know this, but I would and so should everyone else. Let us not be as bad as the people hurting us, they have their own reasons for behaving so despicably. The reasons might be completely alien to us and their actions certainly unacceptable but no one wakes up one day and decides to kill mercilessly, it's a long long road to that state of madness. 

                                                            -----------------------------------

Meanwhile here's on of my favorite paintings, something I think is a much lovelier subject to focus on 

  

Hi

Whilst working on a very dark painting this evening/night I had to admit that I find the prospect of building a website daunting and that I probably had very little time to dedicate to it at this point in my life. So I'm starting a blog. I don't yet know what I'm going to be putting on it entirely, it will include my art. I want another online platform apart from Facebook and this is where I'm starting. 

Dark paint is not my usual choice but I'm making this for a friend who loves dark colours and darkness. It's a kid of landscape but I don't like to talk about a finished painting because it's so abstract it can inspire any image in our minds. I prefer to have someone stand in front of it and decide for themselves. Art is evocative, a meditation if you like. In my mind, good art should make us feel something emotional, it should make us go somewhere in our minds and make us want to take a closer look. 

Anyway, I really enjoyed making this painting and I like the effects I achieved. Art really is a living process.

I don't promise to write frequently but I do think a lot and sometimes I want to share those thoughts, the question is, will I get down to writing them? And will you or anyone find what I have to go on about interesting enough to visit? The future is unknown :)

As some of you know I am a humanist and member of the Malta Humanist Association, we discuss (some of us less than others) many interesting topics, so I might post some of the stuff we discuss in here with some thoughts. Humanism, for those of you who don't know is a philosophy, a lifestyle if you wish. A humanist cares about the planet and all it's inhabitants and strives to have a better world overall. We understand that we have the resources, the intelligence and compassion to fix what we have messed up socially, environmentally and economically. Because every system we have in place is made by us humans, if some are repressed or suffering because of these systems, I believe it is our social duty as an intelligent species to change that. We do not believe that a God or Gods will help us out of our problems or fix them for anyone else. We are very aware of a lot of the difficulties people face around the world and rally to fix them. We believe in equal rights for all, we believe in rationality, discourse and that we should unite as a race with the intention to have a better planet, a brighter future and a happier people empowered by science based evidence and solutions.

Respect is high on my priorities in life, I believe everyone deserves it and people who don't demonstrate a healthy level of respect towards others are not welcome and I encourage anyone to do the same. Boundaries are healthy, when people make us feel less than good they are not worth having around...

My art is the second priority after my son, I love every moment I spend painting. It's a challenge and a joy, I wish I could paint all day and night and if it weren't such hard work I probably would. I hope that you will enjoy the work I upload and give me your thoughts.

Thanks for visiting, here's to loving life!

Krista